ice is slippery

What I have learned from this weekend is I was not born for wintery climates.  I have fallen over more in this last weekend than I have in years.  I now have bruised wrists, twisted ankles and a mild concussion as my souvenirs from Queenstown.   As I have returned to Wellington in a somewhat more fragile state than when I left, I have spent the afternoon resting my battered limbs and thawing my ice-block feet.  I have also spent some of the afternoon creating my songs-of-the-week playlist.  I love discovering new music however I will define new by saying new to me (oft I can be a bit behind the bandwagon).  This morning as I was flying above the ice capped mountains that drench the innards of the South Island I began to compile this playlist based on my moodiness and the majestic-ness of the sight through my tiny plane window.  I hope you enjoy these tunes this week as much as I do.

1: Handshake of the Heartache by Knives at Noon

2: Bizzness by Tune-Yards

3: Sleeping Ute by Grizzly Bear

4: Beginners by Slow Club

5: Adore Us by Lontalius

6: Denny by Athuzela Brown

7: The Spring Tide by Great North

8: Made of Stone by Matt Corby

a time of firsts

Like firsts often are, the nervous anticipation was drawn out, the event all too short, but also, it was a little bit awesome.  The stage at the Lucha Lounge was a party to my first ever solo gig.  In fact, it was a night of firsts all round; myself, Our Wild Lies (previously The Kief), and Labrador Van all popped our performance cherries that night and were all a flutter with a giddy rush afterwards.  Okay yes, I have fooled around with music for a while now so people may question the validity of my ‘purity’, but for me Friday was most definitely my first legit gig experience.  

However, now that it’s done, now that it’s over, I do wonder what all the fuss was about. 

See I don’t know about you, but for me whilst performing is all I long to do, I am a wreck with nerves for days beforehand.  In fact, nerves tangle me up.  I am afraid of them like I am afraid of the thought of having to walk down a newly polished, winding staircase in stiletto heels in front of a crowd of people.  I’m afraid of the potential fall and the flusteredness and the lack of recovery.   People often try and comfort me by reminding me that even the most seasoned musicians and performers still battle the nerves before every gig.  Yeah, no.  Not comforting.  Whilst I completely understand the sentiment, the thought that this stress and anxiety isn’t going to fade over time makes it feel even worse.  Who in their right mind would sign up to a life of enduring this wretched knottedness tangling their insides?  I literally feel like nerves come in and set up residence in my body and tell my organs to get the fuck out.  I genuinely get the sense my usual parts are trying to escape their enclosures.   

The moments before I take the stage are when the combat escalates and quite honestly, the worst part is, I never know who is going to win.  It’s Rhiain vs Nerves; the battle edition.

Thankfully, I think Friday was a win for me.  Mainly because I enjoyed every damn second of it. 

Sometimes it’s hard to remember in the midst of things to just enjoy.  To enjoy this moment.  For me the stress and anxiety beforehand almost destroys the moment that is happening and I don’t recognise it till well after the event.  But I am glad that I didn’t miss the beauty of Friday or miss being present in it.  So many things were to be enjoyed for not only did I get to sing my heart out which is what I love more than anything, but I got a day off work, time with my precious friends whom I see far too infrequently due to distance, I got to meet new and interesting people, and I got to be inspired by the creativity of other talented folk. 

So that’s a 1 for Rhiain and a 0 for Nerves.

But the reality is, no matter how it would have turned out, I’d kill to do it all again.

the beginning.

and so it is with nerves rising and excitement increasing that i begin; heartplusmelody, the blog edition.  the pursuit of a journey always intended will hopefully begin here to unfold. my clothes have all been washed, my bag mostly packed, and my songs as practised as can be for now.  it will be what it is.  and i will be what i am.

but no matter what, it is time to begin.