Today I released my music video. I'm basically peeing my pants I am so happy and excited.
Another thing that makes me very excited is this beautiful poster made by the man that I love.
Thats all I wanted to say :)
to live would be an awfully big adventure...
Monday 28 October 2013
Tuesday 22 October 2013
the video
I am an administrator.
That is what I am paid to do. I
have been a legal secretary for about nine years but just this year got a sweet
promotion to this flash new role. My job
is actually interesting at times and definitely quite demanding. But being the creative that I am, my job is also
often quite unfulfilling. The hours between
9 – 5 are a breeding ground of daydreams for me.
This might seem a bit silly, but a couple of years ago I started
this thing where each year I give myself a new motto to base my life around. My first year’s motto was ‘I’m gonna live my
life regardless’ and honestly, it really helped (not to mention it inspired one
of my most favourite songs I have ever written). Last year’s motto was ‘Fuck Dreaming: Make
Plans’. A tad crude, but the blunt aggressive
nature of it was what I needed to inspire myself. So since the beginning of last year I have
approached my dreams in that way. That’s
how I transformed my dream of making an EP into a reality as well as all the
other musical ventures I have been involved in over the last year and a
bit. However, sometimes no matter how
hard you try certain dreams just seem impossible. Making a video clip was one of those dreams
for me.
Since I can remember, all I have wanted to do was make
music, perform and be on film.
Actually
before I was obsessed with making music, I was all about the acting. My little 10 year old self spent most nights
lying in bed rehearsing her Oscar Award Winning Speech, or imagining how her
interview on Oprah would play out. I was
going to be a great movie actress. Even
though my dreams for feature film making have been put to one side (for now), I
have spent many day dreaming hours on the topic of music videos and the making
of them.
The problem was, while it was well and good me saying I was
gonna start making plans as opposed to just dreaming, how does one make plans
to make a video clip with no money and utterly no clue. That was the question. I’ve spent years dreaming about it and never
felt like I had any way to proceed in this regard. However, during a good day dreaming sesh at
work I began racking my brains for any possible film connections that I had. I came up with three. Turns out three connections and the audacity
to send a cheeky email was all I needed. It also turns out that unpaid work for an
unknown artist can sometimes be an enticing offer. I don’t know what gods were shining on me
that day, but my heart and smile continued to grow as various emails were exchanged
and a date was set down for me to meet with this potential director.
I remember my first meeting with her so well. I was impossibly afraid. I had decided the best thing for me to do was
google this so-called director and find out who she was. Once I did find out I was clueless as to why
she would be entertaining the idea of making this video for me. Her name is Ruth Korver. She has quite a beautiful array of work under
her belt acting in various roles (ie director, producer etc). The most notable would be that she co-produced
the feature film ‘How to meet girls from a distance’ (if you don’t know what I
am talking about, well you should check out this trailer). So yeah, I was a tad intimidated. But all of my nerves and anxiety dissipated
within a minute of meeting her. I left
that meeting so excited because I couldn’t believe my luck. I had managed to meet a talented director who
loved my music and was herself excited to make a clip with me. It was impossible to believe what had just
taken place.
Somehow, over the following months, a lovely lady crew was
pieced together by Ruth (so very Beyonce of us!). So all up we had a director, a director of
photography, a set designer, a costume designer, makeup artist and lighting
coordinator. Oh and I got to be called ‘the
talent’. I was quite ok with that.
Everything about the whole process of making this video I was
drooling over – ‘Why yes I would love to drink wine and brainstorm with you’. ‘Costume fitting you say?’ ‘Of course I don’t mind doing some pinning to
our pinterest mood board’. ‘You want to
do a makeup and hair test? OK!’ - I LOVED.IT.ALL. Like to the point where just now I considered
hashtagging that statement. I thrived on
the environment of creativity, the environment of collaboration.
Still now, when I think about it all, I panic that it was
all just a dream. It’s all just too good
to be true. I got to spend hours
brainstorming with Ruth and creating this interesting world for the clip to
inhabit. The costume designer Bonne
folded approximately a million doilies to hand make me a one-of-a-kind whimsical
and daydreamy dress. Larissa, the set
designer, created a room I wanted to live in forever. Daniela lit my face and the space so
beautifully that it looks like I am glowing.
Ness the DOP captured beautiful angles and perspectives and gave the
clip such warmth and Fiona gave me my dream hair-do and makeup. I mean.
Just tooooo good.
But it was real. It
is real. And its realness is very soon
going to be presenting itself to you. In
just a few days all should be revealed. So
keep your eyes peeled people for my dream is about to be served to you on a
platter. And I refuse to pretend I aint
excited.
Tuesday 8 October 2013
The summer at the end of the tunnel
It’s been a pretty weird
winter for me. I have felt a distinct absence of words (although I
anticipate my boyfriend will disagree with me on that). But putting
mindless chatter aside where I concede my words are plentiful, I have struggled
with a surprising absence of language during this season; an inability to articulate. Perhaps
feeling there is little value or meaning in my words, that is, if I could find
any to say.
This word-famine I seem to be experiencing has affected me in so many ways. New musical ideas struggling to be formed, blogs have barely been written, lyrics left naked without consonants or vowels, wordless feelings that have not been penned and crafted into melodies. Just a sort of barrenness.
I am full of feeling. That is for sure. I have a lot of tastes on my tongue and experiences on my skin that I wish to write about. In fact, the strongest feeling of them all, one which is entirely new to me, is this timeless classic called love, or, being in love [I know. Totes gross]. The happiness and the excitement and this new wholeness stemming from that feeling is dancing around inside me, waiting to bust out into song. But the ability to describe with integrity the breadth of love I have for this being or simply what even love is to me, seems entirely impossible. I don’t know what to write or what to say. Lost in a sea of just, well, feeling. Then cause I’m a bit cray cray I spiral into darkness thinking if I am unable to depict the commonest of experiences, how can I seek to then express all that lies beyond the most obvious of topics and bring the depth and reality to my music as I desire. Don’t worry, I‘m rolling my eyes at myself.
So yeah, winter has been unkind to me. Work pressures, fickle health, light deprivation, not to mention the endless attention-demanding navigation of high-heeled shoes over wonky slippery Wellington pavements. Winter is just so fricken hard. However, perhaps there was one thing I can attribute the word-famine to; a heartbreakingly bad review.
So this was posted some time ago, and I haven’t shared it publically yet till now. I’m not really sure why now I feel like showing it. Perhaps it’s my finale. My way of letting it go. I know you are supposed to have thick skin if you are wanting to work in an industry like this but I guess you only get that thick skin by learning how to live through these things. This was not only my first bad review but it was my first review. So, that sucked.
So while it has been hard to pull myself out of the recesses of that swift kick to the gut, I seem to be getting there. The truth is I love music and I love the music that I make. I love my band and I love performing. I love performing even if there is only one person in the crowd who appreciates it. I just love it. Like, it is the time I feel most myself and the most connected with the world. So I guess all in all, first layer of thick skin acquired.
And while I still feel surrounded by the tunnel I have been trudging along inside for the last few months, I am starting to see some sunlight through the cracks and cannot wait for the summer at the end. This year will see a few more fabulous gigs yet, with some new material AND a beautiful new video clip for my song All a Flutter. So plenty to be looking forward to.
And Plenty of words yet.
This word-famine I seem to be experiencing has affected me in so many ways. New musical ideas struggling to be formed, blogs have barely been written, lyrics left naked without consonants or vowels, wordless feelings that have not been penned and crafted into melodies. Just a sort of barrenness.
I am full of feeling. That is for sure. I have a lot of tastes on my tongue and experiences on my skin that I wish to write about. In fact, the strongest feeling of them all, one which is entirely new to me, is this timeless classic called love, or, being in love [I know. Totes gross]. The happiness and the excitement and this new wholeness stemming from that feeling is dancing around inside me, waiting to bust out into song. But the ability to describe with integrity the breadth of love I have for this being or simply what even love is to me, seems entirely impossible. I don’t know what to write or what to say. Lost in a sea of just, well, feeling. Then cause I’m a bit cray cray I spiral into darkness thinking if I am unable to depict the commonest of experiences, how can I seek to then express all that lies beyond the most obvious of topics and bring the depth and reality to my music as I desire. Don’t worry, I‘m rolling my eyes at myself.
So yeah, winter has been unkind to me. Work pressures, fickle health, light deprivation, not to mention the endless attention-demanding navigation of high-heeled shoes over wonky slippery Wellington pavements. Winter is just so fricken hard. However, perhaps there was one thing I can attribute the word-famine to; a heartbreakingly bad review.
So this was posted some time ago, and I haven’t shared it publically yet till now. I’m not really sure why now I feel like showing it. Perhaps it’s my finale. My way of letting it go. I know you are supposed to have thick skin if you are wanting to work in an industry like this but I guess you only get that thick skin by learning how to live through these things. This was not only my first bad review but it was my first review. So, that sucked.
So while it has been hard to pull myself out of the recesses of that swift kick to the gut, I seem to be getting there. The truth is I love music and I love the music that I make. I love my band and I love performing. I love performing even if there is only one person in the crowd who appreciates it. I just love it. Like, it is the time I feel most myself and the most connected with the world. So I guess all in all, first layer of thick skin acquired.
And while I still feel surrounded by the tunnel I have been trudging along inside for the last few months, I am starting to see some sunlight through the cracks and cannot wait for the summer at the end. This year will see a few more fabulous gigs yet, with some new material AND a beautiful new video clip for my song All a Flutter. So plenty to be looking forward to.
And Plenty of words yet.
Tuesday 1 October 2013
falling, yes I am falling
So admission time. I have never been a fan of the Beatles. Just hold on a minute ok, perhaps I should re-phrase! I have never known enough of or about the Beatles to even know whether or not I like them, and admittedly, I have never been that curious. I mean, sure, I know the classics like All you need is Love and I wanna hold your hand, however the association those songs have with the Beatles for me is slim. All you need is love reminds me of Christmas due to my favourite seasonal movie, Love Actually, and well, I wanna hold your hand always makes me think of Kurt from Glee. But what can I say, recently I have been lending my ear towards them and I am suddenly understanding their renown.
I am not going to
pretend that I have started listening to them out of a pious desire to educate
myself musically. No. Over the course of this year I have fallen
for a boy who is pretty much obsessed with them and like in most relationships
you can’t help but absorb some parts/likes/tastes of your significant
other. While I have shown him the beauty of earl grey tea he has
shown me the beauty of the Beatles. Clearly both of mutual benefit right?
While the classics
like I mentioned above are actually magical and breathtaking, I mean All you
need is love is actually just a fantastic heart warming affirming song but
also, I have found they have this plethora of songs and lyrics and melodies and
sounds that I utterly appreciate. Yeah I know this is not news to a lot
of you, but just bear with my slow realisation.
I mean, ok, this
slow realisation and my sudden enjoyment for this band whom I have always
ignored has perhaps only been
ignited due to my ardent interest in a particular boy (perhaps entirely because
the moment I knew I loved him was during a viewing of Across the Universe) BUT
a slow realisation is better than none hey?
Their songs, while
seemingly simple, are quite complex and often things they do remind me of
musicians and music that I idolise today. For example, I was listening to
a song the other night (unfortunately I have NO idea which song it was), but at
the end it had this random calamity of noise and it actually completely
reminded me of Sufjan Steven’s ‘All Delighted People’. Now Sufjan is one
of my favs, like I loooove that man, and it was surprising to me that I could
find familiarity between the Beatles and him. Now clearly Sufjan and the
Beatles are not similar artists, but I could certainly find aspects of their
musicality that I love that seemed to remind me of the other.
I think perhaps it
surprised me because, lacking in knowledge as I am, I’ve never seen the Beatles
as particularly edgy and I think I like music that is slightly edgy;
interesting and different. I know musically they were supposedly
“innovative” but to me they’ve always seemed like a regular pop band, like a
60’s version of the Backstreet Boys. While their music alone can defeat
that belief, I have to say after my recent viewing of the Beatles movie A Hard
Day’s Night my boy band pop persona idea has irrevocably changed. The
movie is so Fucking
weird, they are out there as shit.
Pardon my language! I can’t fathom a massive popular band
releasing a movie remotely similar in nature. I can’t imagine something
like that could succeed. It is impressive that they could.
I honestly have no
idea how all of this is relevant to anything, or why I feel the need to share
this. Perhaps I feel I must confess my sins of ignorance or perhaps I am
just excited about this discovery. Maybe it is nothing more than
something to share on a Tuesday afternoon.
Now seeing as I’m
still a total Beatles newb and have a lot to learn and listen to I am wondering
if you all could let me know your absolute FAVOURITE Beatles number. So
far, my two most favourite of their songs (that I have listened to) are “I’ve
Just seen a face” and “Good Night”. If you don’t know those ones you
should definitely listen to them. You should listen to Good Night right
before sleep, it is the PERFECT lullaby. Yeah. There ain’t nothing
wrong with being 29 and wanting a lullaby.
Monday 20 May 2013
priorities
Whatever I am doing lately, I feel like I should be doing something
else. Everything feels important. I find myself unable to actually give specific
weightings to my priorities ‘cause I want everything all the time at the same
time. Everything. I want to be able to travel and buy clothes
and go to concerts and be able to clear my debts. I want to eat healthy and learn how to cook, be
able to socialise every night of the week and also give myself space to write
music and be creative. I want to sleep
in and lounge around the house all weekend with my boyfriend and also get up
early and see and experience the world. How
the crapballs does anyone have time for everything. I want it all and I want it all now and I
can’t figure out what the fuck is most important to me.
Living in this state is the worst because it makes it really hard to
enjoy the great things that you are actually experiencing. I feel like I am perpetually living in fear
of running out of time, this fear causes anxiety and anxiety causes depression
and to cope with depression I sleep, which leads me straight back to the fear
of running out of time cause I keep sleeping instead of doing things. Talk about a vicious cycle. I also sleep because I am afraid of being
shit at everything I want to do although I will probably only admit that to
your face after a few drinks or if you are part of the rare few who get to
experience the sleeping-pill-drugged-up-Rhiain (she is quite entertaining and far
too revealing so I have been told).
Another downside to this inability to prioritise and the fear it
induces is that you never think you are achieving anything either. Mainly because you are always thinking far
too far ahead to look at what it is you are actually doing. So l decided to think about what it is that I
have actually done this year and the list is pretty good.
I almost died in January, gots me a good bout of septicaemia, which is
pretty much a great way to start the year – especially because it coincided
with the beginnings of a flourishing romance.
Luckily I didn’t die, and the romance has lingered. I then also got to play at my first music
festival which was an incredible experience. So I guess one can say it was a
busy January. February was the first
anniversary month for a couple of tragic things that occurred in my family last
year, so that was a tough wee time, not to mention my dad was in a motorcycle
crash that was pretty serious to say the least, but it also was the first
valentine’s day ever that I haven’t been alone, and was in fact given one of the
sweetest and most romantic gifts I have ever been given. It was also a month where long-time friends
and I got to retreat to the beach for some much needed bonding time as well as
a month where I got to witness the union of two close friends and officially be
welcomed as god-mum for their beautiful daughter. March I had a paid gig to play and brunches
to go to but mostly I think I spent it going on various dates with the bf and
slowly becoming acquainted with his family and friends. I also spent a crap load of time slacking off
at work by shooting people with my dart gun and jumping out of bins to scare them. This was in preparation of also having to
farewell two workmates, the two who encouraged my playfulness (I in fact have
had only one excuse to shoot my gun since they left). In April I managed to source and play
another paid gig, go to Melbourne for a friend’s wedding, tour a brewery and be
promoted into a flash new role at work while also beginning a creative venture
with the boyfriend in the form of an online zine called Venn (first issue in
the making). This brings us on to May
which we are only half way through, but I have already endured the dreaded
visit to the parentals to introduce them to the boyfriend, managed to keep my
five month old goddaughter alive whilst being her sole carer for a few hours, and
witnessed my older sister graduate her well-earned degree.
So…maybe I haven’t been doing nothing after all.
I guess I need to chill out a little bit. After writing this list I can see that life
has been lived and really that is my main priority. I just want to be happy and live life.
Perhaps I just have to remind myself of that. Often.
Saturday 2 February 2013
roadys, festys, lol'ing and the joy of abbreviating
I’m on to my tenth day in a row of sunshine. TENTH PEOPLE! This, being summer, may not seem like
a bizarre and special find to
you. But it is. It is rare. I feel like I’ve won lotto and
slash or found out I have superpowers, it’s that exciting for me.
Obviously I’m not exaggerating at all. See this is the longest streak of
sunlight I have had since I can remember sunlight. Ok that’s a lie.
But definitely true when I think of my summers here in the capital. I
think January is finally showing off and I like it. Hopefully February
will feel competitive and try and outdo him.
Not only have I had
a 10 day run of sun,
but just a kind of general awesomeness as well. And I use awesomeness not
lightly. Ok let’s be honest, I use it all the time. Willy nilly
some might say. BUT I mean it. I have had a great couple of weeks.
Perhaps it’s
because January didn’t start so well for me, as in I was unwell. As in
hospitalised. As in sick. So a lot of January for me was just
feeling like I was dying, lying in bed, watching Downton Abbey and missing the
sunlight. In fact, when I finally was well enough and started back at
work it was the 17th already. And I was like, oh hells no! That be
the date? Sheet. The year had well and truly begun without me.
Starting back at
work was a painful excursion. In fact, I still feel like I’m ‘play
working’ a little. As in, I’m just here, hanging with my peeps, typing
some stuff, but really I’m still on holiday, like, I only have to do this for a
day right? But no. Its real. I guess that feeling of play
working was only heightened by the fact that after two days back we had a
public holiday and then I had to only work three days before I was off on
holiday again. It’s always weird taking annual leave after you’ve just
taken so much time off even though you booked it ages ago. But there was
no way I wasn’t going away. Why you ask? Oh yeah, cause I be playing my
first music festival. Oh hells yeah I did. And yep, I will say it
unashamedly, it was Parachute Music Festival. Or as a friend calls it,
the chute.
I didn’t have too
many expectations from the weekend actually, just that it was a great
opportunity to play for people who wouldn’t normally hear my music, and
hopefully more than that it would be a fun time away with the strangers aka my
band. And indeed it was. Like so fun. I’d forgotten how much
I love road trips and sleeping in dorm rooms with five other people. In
fact I think I probably had the most fun with the sharing room scenario.
I have issues sleeping so its delightful for me to have people around to annoy
and talk to while waiting for sleep to come (plus I take sleeping medication so
I get super loopy at night). I think the person who least enjoyed it was
Matt Potts aka the log (seriously, he’s a log, like once he’s in bed he’s just
there and still and doesn’t move. It’s pretty hilarious). But like
all roadies we had our hilarious moments and our lulls and that’s what I enjoy; how the journey
develops. The hilarity and the seriousness. The silence and the
noise. The nicknames. The new perspective of people. The zone
of comfy-ness with each other you don’t tend to find in day to day life.
I mean we all loved loved playing at Parachute, it was a blast, but possibly my
fav part of the weekend was just the hanging out part.
It was strange
being a the chute, strange but fun. I hadn’t been since I was 17, so as
scary as this sounds it has been over (just) a decade since I was last
there. Yes I am that old. I think most of us were in the same boat
actually. But it was cool. There were still a lot of the old time
bands that I remember from back in the day, but there was also quite a surge of
rad under the radar bands from Australia or the US and even here in little New
Zealand. In fact, a gorgeous band called Paper Cranes stole two of our
members, the tater-tots (Andy & Nina) for an evening and had them play
their set with them. It was stunning. The last song in their set,
All My Life, is such a lush deliciousness and the tater-tots guest starred on
their EP (which can be found here: http://lovepapercranes.bandcamp.com/album/oh-love)
so I’m thankful they were able to play it with them live, cause the cello and
mandolin sound freaking sweet. I love having band friendships. It’s
the best. And Paper Cranes were certainly a highlight from the chute
venture.
Another one
actually is this Auckland band called Great North. Seriously, out of all
the bands I saw at the chute, they were one of my favs. I think they just
have that something you know. Awkward in-between song banter and
all. I seriously like them.
So the chute was
ace. But the ace-ness of life didn’t stop there. Oh no no no. Think
again my pretties. I then ditched my band leaving them to drive the 7 or
so hours back to Wellywood whilst and I bussed up to Auckland to see some
friends and go to Laneway where I gorged myself on music glory and friend
loving. Yeah it was pretty sweet. Two of my best friends as well as
my sister all live in Auckland so it’s kind of a place for me with a lot of
love. My two friends I’ve known since I was well young (one since 10, the
other 12) so their souls are a sort of home to me. I get to spend far few
minutes with them so I enjoyed more than anything staring into their beautiful
faces and talking their mouths off. Not to mention grooving our sticky
beer laden feet off come the end of the night to Tame Impala. My
highlight of Laneway however was Bat for Lashes. Oh god she was amazing.
I was in awe. I may even be in love. From the second she walked on stage
she owned it. Clothed in a metallic red wonder of a dress I was giddy and
faint hearted from the first glimpse of her. She was amazing. She
may have changed my life a little. She hells as inspired me. Other
great sets of the day were Alt-J and Polica.
Still with one day
of holiday left and sunshine to spare I spent the next day catching up with
people and just being generally happy. Now whilst back in Wellington (and
back at work which is entirely lame), the sunshine seems to be prolonging the happy
feeling as evenings feel early
and extended and therefore are being utilised and well spent and enjoyed. Not to mention the weekend seemed to quickly
approach which was good because my lovely friend and keyboardist/backing
vocalist, Sarah Colman, (an amazing solo artist in her own right not to
mention) held a house gig party last night which was the best of fun. There was a diverse and interesting line up
with solo artists, spoken word poets, and Rhiain and the Utter Strangers on the
bill. Perhaps inspired by my new love,
Bat for Lashes, I actually feel like I owned the stage a little more than I usually
do. So that was fun. But let’s be honest the highlight of the
evening was at the end of the night when we tried to light a flying
lantern. You know, those massive paper
lanterns that you light the bottom of and they fill up like a hot air balloon and
float dreamily into the air. Yes, well,
this lantern lighting exercise became the most hilarious slash dangerous thing
in the world. Someone almost died and
slash or we almost burnt down Petone. If
only I was kidding. All was going well;
the lantern was lit and we were just waiting for it to fill up enough to take
off, but we live in Wellington
people. Windy Wellington. So it was
a pretty rocky take off. Sarah kept trying to grab it to straighten it
up and I am surprised her hands are now not cinders. Eventually she thought it was safe and let it
go. It wasn’t safe, it didn’t float up
into the air just over and down towards a bunch of my friends sitting on the
lawn. My other friend, B-Ho, stepped in
now, thankfully saving the onlookers and the grass from destruction and again
we waited for the lantern to fill up a bit more so to achieve lift off. And then once again we let it go, hoping to
stare with magical feelings in our hearts as it floated away. We didn’t.
Take two of too much wind and desperately trying to steady it and then
trying to get it away from the grass and the shrubs so we didn’t burn
everything down was more like how it went.
I had thought then we were going to give up on it. Too many almost burns had occurred. I thought we were dragging the fireball, I mean
lantern, over to the concrete in order to stamp the shit out of it. When all of a sudden it is back in the air
and is actually floating up up and away, albeit at not a very steep climb. A friend who was not paying attention
literally, literally, almost got the
fireball in his face. He thankfully ducked
last moment due to excessive yelling of his name by his lady and I tell you it
missed him by millimetres. But then,
this tricky fireball lantern actually began its climb to greatness. Soaring into the sky. We all ooooooo’d and aahhhh’d and every now
and then panicked when the wind picked up and it rocked around. I am sure my words have not even begun to articulately
describe how awesome and dangerous and fucking hilarious that was but honestly I
am not sure I have laughed so hard in a while.
Anyway, I guess
this is just an update on life, a “what’s new with me” sort of blog
entry. One which I’ve rambled on a bit for! Sorry. I guess right
now I just feel excited about things (even taking into account the rose tinted
glow everything has due to the thrill of a budding romance), but yes, I feel quite
excited about things. Everything. Life, friends, music, all of
it. Like I said, I may just be a bit gushy these days, but hells, if I’m
feeling happy, and enjoying things, and excited about life why try and diminish
that? Sometimes I feel I don’t acknowledge the good as often, so here it
is. An acknowledgement. So I don’t forget the goodness there is.
Cause there is. There is goodness.
Monday 31 December 2012
so this is the new year...
Happy New Years!! (she says as she high fives herself and
continues marathon-ing it through Downton Abbey season one). Due to an unfortunate timing of a silly
procedure, Miss Rhiain, aka me, is at home alone on New Year’s eve. As I cannot be around people I am going to
talk my mouth off to all you online folk about new years and resolutions and
making years count.
Last year, just prior to the turn of 2012, one of my close
friends invited me around for an afternoon of lavish kindness together with
another close friend. With food and wine
we sat around and chatted until a home visiting beautician showed up and surprised
us with delicious facial treatments. It
was divine. After the facial we returned
to my friend’s lounge where she had laid out blank canvases for each of us surrounded
by stacks of magazines and other “scrapbooking” materials. “We’re making dream boards” she said. I know, the words scrapbooking and dream boards
kind of make my skin crawl a little too, they’re just sort of naff words. But in all honesty it has been one of the
best things I have done leading into a new year. Beats the crap out of any new year’s
resolutions I have tried to make and inevitably never stuck to, or any other
sort of evaluation mechanism I have tried to implement.
I always spend either side of the cusp of the year panicking
basically. Worried I have wasted it, and
fretful over how to make the next one count and I know I am not alone in this
sort of behaviour. So like most I have
spent years making lists and resolutions and instead of said lists and
resolutions providing me with freedom and inspiration and resolve, I have more
or less felt like I am just putting off the inevitable disappointment that I will
be to myself, as I know I will fail.
Like I have a brick in my hand and I’m falling to the bottom of the
ocean. Yes, I am nothing if not
dramatic. So I know not how to express
how magical it was to spend a crafty afternoon with two of my favourite ladies,
finding pictures and pretty images and statements and words that created my
dream year for 2012 in the form of a collage.
We spent quite a few hours cutting and pasting and thinking about what
actually we wanted from the year to be and then we walked each other through
our dreams.
The exciting thing now is that pretty much everything on my
board has happened. Well, that’s hard to
say really, as a lot of the things are progressive in nature, so the end result
should not have occurred yet anyway, but the bulk of things represented by the imagery
on my board, well, it has at least begun.
I had some simple things on there, like growing my hair. Who knew you had to look after your hair to
grow it right? I didn’t. But now I do.
And I’ve grown the crap outta my hair this year. And I love it (I’ve
wanted long hair ever since I went to Scandinavia where the guys are beautiful
but the girls even better). The rest on the board, not so simple. Like one of my goals was to let go of the
idea that I am unmemorable. I’ve had
that belief for most of my life and it has only been compounded by the fact
that I am constantly encountering people who cannot seem to remember my name,
let alone my face. But I’ve learnt that
this says very little about me and more about them. See, I am a name person. 98% of the time I will remember someone’s
name and face, even if I have only met them once. It’s just a thing I can do. Others can’t.
So this year I let that belief go.
That was much harder than growing my hair. But I can actually say I did it. It was on my board, and it is now done.
Probably the biggest chunk of my board dedicated to one
thing was covered in music related imagery, and boy did I chase that this
year. It’s exciting to think that within
one year I have recorded and released an EP, had my song played on national
radio, and shot a music video together with a bunch of other very cool things. Its totes cray cray. Kind of unbelievable, for me anyway. It
been hard work, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it. I’m still just an unknown, just a girl pursuing
a career in music, but hey, that’s hells as better than where I was a year ago.
Other things I’ve managed to do that were weaved into the imagery
on my board is travel (Bali & Thailand), put myself out there in terms of
boys and romance and whatnot and also wear togs without boardshorts (because
let’s be honest ladies, it just looks better).
So yes, I think it has been a successful year and it is so nice to be
able to look at the canvas that I plastered only but a year ago and see that I really
did what I wanted.
I don’t think I am going to return to resolutions. Whilst I haven’t made another board this year
(yet) I am going to figure out a way to creatively highlight my hopes for 2013. I think the difference is, instead of resolving
to go to the gym three times a week from now on, or something of the sort, I’ve
decided it’s better to say saying something like, I will pursue health this
year. Give yourself room to grow into it
I reckon, otherwise you always feel like too much of a failure to continue
trying. That’s what I’ve noticed
anyways.
So yeah. This is the new year. And I’m excited.
(this was my dream board for 2012)
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